The internet did a die, but now it’s alive.

Earlier in the week, our former Comcast contract ended and shut-off the internet (I didn’t realize it was on Monday, neither did Mia. We thought we had a week longer. Oh well.)

So we purchased a new plan and… surprise surprise, Comcast can’t find/activate our nighthawk? That went on for approximately two days before they started asking us to bring it in… which I wasn’t going to do just yet; I’ve seen this play out with AT&T prior…

I took a look at it, played with the app, and suddenly it worked. Now our wifi, dubbed “Bi WIfi Energy” is up and running, and blazingly fast at that.

In between all of that mess, we had a lot of internet-less time. I had a whole two days of relative productivity just somewhat taken out. (I did eventually use phone data, but it wasn’t an ideal method)

So we made the most of our time and began moving our desks and such into our former roommate’s now vacant room, leaving us with a perfect working / gaming office.

This has been something I’ve wanted for a long time, as I’ve “worked from home” for a good while, and have generally been an inside person since Sep. 2018. Having an office that is separate from your bedroom is very nice; it puts you in the mindset of:

Okay I’m done with my XYZ for the day, I can go and relax and watch TV, go lay in bed, go shower - etc.

And none of those locations are where your “Office” is. Having the two cohabitate is annoying at best, and other times it’s hard to separate the two.

Now I’m not saying any of this to be a dig at remote / hybrid working. I pretty much only want to work remote. (of course right now I’m not exactly in a position to turn anything down…) I believe remote work to be most productive over office work, especially seeing several friends and their work ethic in Software.

…you’re supposed to eat food?

I finally came to the realization that I need to eat more, I have the cravings to eat - but typically just don’t eat until possibly lunch, sometimes not even then. However with the HRT related medications I’m on - not only am I hungry, but it’s actively attempting to disperse fat into other areas of my body - fat I don’t have…

So, I’m now eating a decent amount of almonds every now and again, cheesy grits, yogurt, egg bagel - the list is pretty nice. I don’t believe I’ve actually taken care of myself like this since before 2018.

Now if I could just commit to doing yoga… I have that yoga mat for a reason.

On the topic of medications

I want to say out the gate that my Doctors are great, and the new pharmacists at my pharmacy are doing a better job than has been done prior to now… so for the seven months I’ve lived in Charleston.

But… and there’s always a but.

Some Doctors seem to grasp urgency and the concept of life saving medication a little better than others. Generally speaking my new Neuro has been a godsend. Everything was updated on-time, he’s very open and communicated very well with me in-office. Getting his approval for HRT was a non-issue, in fact:

Of course. I don’t know why they even wanted to wait on me - you need this, they should’ve just authorized it.

(2/3 of my daily Epilepsy meds directly conflict with estradiol in some way, however after almost 2 1/2 years on this dosage it seems fine to start me with monitoring.)

The problem comes in with this past week. Several of my medications were getting low, estradiol & spiro, and I was about to (and have now) run out of Zonisamide (Epilepsy). I requested a refill, and two days later waited for a phone call from the pharmacy. When it never came, I contacted them; both my HRT meds had been approved and filled the same day I called, whereas the pharmacy never received a response from my Neuro.

So I’m now out of 1/3 medications. Which isn’t nice. I did directly contact my Neuro’s office, and supposedly it will be resolved today, but I’m not so sure.

The office, NP, and doctors that have been covering my HRT are always on the ball though. Big props to them.

CW - Seizures, Graphic Descriptors, Suicide

My big issue in all of this is that both of these medications sets are life saving in someway. Epilepsy medication is an obvious one. I'm very lucky to have not had any seizures in the past year or so (at this point I've lost count). While it's entirely possible for me to die while *having* a seizure as mine are tonic clonic (floppy ones) - I could very well suffocate in my own vomit if no one were around, hit my head, etc. The worst part about these is that I have no knowledge/warning when I will have one. They just happen. I had two back to back immediately following my Day 1 Deep Stone Crypt raid in Destiny 2. (Shout out to everyone who was there and remembers that shit.)

Anything I do in relation to my transition is just as important, in-fact I would argue more so. If I had to make the choice between transition related medication and epilepsy medication, it would be my HRT and shit. Every. Single. Time. I reached a point where I knew I would be unable to continue physically unless I began making lasting changes that reflected how I saw myself. If that were to be taken away in any capacity, my mental state would quickly degrade - even further than it had been in 2018. There is no question in my mind that I would have swallowed a bullet had I not come out and subsequently began transition this spring.
I know that I likely need to be on some kind of depression / anxiety medication, I've wanted to go to a psychiatrist & psychologist for years now, but I simply could never convince my parents that I didn't need the biblical kind of counseling, and now that I'm out on my own; I don't have the insurance and money for it. Regardless, since this past spring I have become infinitely more happy - although there has been pitfalls. I'm moving in the right direction.

It’s the small things that make me happy

You know what I like? Living rent free in someone else’s head - 24/7.

What’s the trans agenda? Idk. My agenda is to be slutty and gaslight people.

But as whole - whether it’s cis-man’s secret attraction, or the christian man’s deep rage that cause’s him to pop a blood vessel at our very existence; we’re in their heads.

to end

Dragging up any past issues I’ve had pulls out memories and waves of emotions that I try to hide in my day to day. It’s possible that talking about them more will make it easier - but I’m not so sure.

I don’t have much to talk about today. This is a shorter post, but it will be fine I think. I think I’ll go listen to music for a while. I could use a drink, perhaps the absinthe would be good.

👋

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