Tutoring, Code and... Polyamory?
I haven’t posted for about 10 days because life has gotten rather… busy. I began tutoring a girl from Cornwall in Python; speaking of - Kate, you need to get to working on that assignment at some point… also: congrats on your job. I initially wrote this prior to hearing about your job; you know I’m proud of you.
But the tutoring isn’t even the whole reason I’ve been busy. I’m now in a new world of sorts, as I’ve found myself having not only a partner - but a boyfriend too; an organic relationship between the three of us. I’ve never been apart of a polyamorous relationship, nor have I had a boyfriend before so this is… different. But I really like it.
Before I start getting too deep; here is the song of the day!
I have to spend a little time talking about this guy and the events surrounding it, or I’m going to have a little itch that will not have been scratched throughout the rest of this post; so with that said -
TW: Sexual assault - click to skip
I’ve had issues with men prior. I’m sure I mentioned it in previous posts, but to run through again with a little bit more detail - as an early teen I had a short “summer fling” with fried, something that was purely sexual. Once he got what he wanted - he was done with me. We’ve barely talked since.
More recently, my shift leader at Starbucks sexually assaulted me. I’ll never get the thoughts out of my head, how I felt in the moment, and especially how he grabbed and held me. But what I most despise about myself was what raced through my head:
Do I let him do what he wants? Will that just be easier?
Do I just grab my bag and run? Do I call someone? But who do I call?
I eventually got out of there, but my parents actually teased me about it. They made fun of me. :’) The following day I quit my job at Starbucks without saying why.
Ever since then I’ve despised men. In every possible way
I found few men attractive, yet the idea of being with a man again disgusted me and only made me think of the events in 2020 with that man. It’s made worse when I have chasers in my DM’s. I’ve had to effectively lockdown the majority of my social media. It just seems like its never ending.
Skip to here...
But then I met my boyfriend, Jesús. I can’t truly define a time when I thought “Okay wow. This is him, this is it”. When I first “met” and began talking to him, we of course had a lot of similar interests - Halo gamers being one of them; #SeedGaming. But Jesús had his quirks, specifically his “I’m unlovable!” quirk. At the time I really thought it was obnoxious, cause he’s adorable and quite the looker. He’ll absolutely find that special someone. So at any possible chance I could, I gave him compliments - I wanted him to know he was special; I wanted him to know that he truly was an awesome dude.
Jesús’ Ex Enters Stage Left INT. Discord Server - Day? i think.
At some point or another, his ex joined our Discord server. I was cool with it at first, and thought it was funny she was there - but also found some… unease in it, as well as jealousy. Which was weird, as I hadn’t recognized feelings for him at the time so I wasn’t entirely sure if I was jealous or why.
Eventually I realized he still had feelings for her - and I started to realize why I was as jealous as I was. (In my unprofessional and highly devilish opinion, I felt she took advantage of his feelings for her own gain - either to have someone to talk to or to make fun of. Bitch, I will find you. 🗡). I knew there was something up with how I felt, but never could quite place it at the time.
Following that I did actually try to help another person match up with Jesús but in that process I started falling for him even harder. And I started having to come to terms with that. Soooo I started flirting with him, sometimes aggressively, sometimes less so. Eventually that led to him flirting back which caught me off guard - and led to me asking how he felt about me.
Jesús is unique in a lot of ways, and I think he might be the one good guy out there. He’s at least my one. I can’t wait for him to leave NY. 🖤
In the other parts of my life
I’m still trying to put some effort into this Kotlin class - I doing well despite a hiccup with a test / Gradle files. This professor doesn’t keep his IDE, Gradle, & Kotlin updated to the latest versions - so we have to stay in sync or else he cant run it. Something of mine must have auto updated, as I was suddenly on Chipmunk and the latest Kotlin/Gradle builds. It was quite annoying.
Currently I’m working on a final project for the class - but it’s a last minute project. I haven’t put a lot of project into this one, unlike a lot of my other coding projects - I simply haven’t had the time this summer. My days are mostly consumed with job searching, emails with companies back and forth, interviews occasionally - and portfolio building projects.
Regarding this Kotlin project - i’m building a weather app (android). I’m loosely following a guide and will make some modifications, but this is essentially all I wanted to do. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to make a game, another Inspirobot app/clone, or something else.
Sample XML and Gradient layout, current WIP
Nothing much at the moment, and I will change the gradient I’m sure. I’m rather picky. I must have messed with the CSS gradients on my websites a hundred times by now.
But I have until midnight of the 19th to complete this/turn it in. So I’ll be fine, I guess. But of course, I do have a test in between - so we’ll see how that goes.
Now, it’s 5pm somewhere.
Literally - as of taking my first sip it is 5:01pm in Nuuk, Greenland. I have that nice website to tell me where it’s 5pm, so I don’t feel too bad. But this IPA… It kinda sucks. I don’t know if it’s the Mango taste? Or if it’s just cause it’s an IPA. To Palmetto Brewing Co. I’m sorry but. This is bad. Like I’ll drink it, but. jeez. Yuengling is better than this, and it’s literally water.
Now, it’s only 3:01pm for me. So I’m not terribly off on that time, but it’s earlier than I’d deem socially acceptable. But really - what is socially acceptable? And what’s more irresponsible in this case? I have a few ideas, especially having a sixteen-year-old brother. (I was never a party girl.) No - I don’t party. I drink to get out of my headspace, to forget.
And to any of you potential employers who might be reading this, for any reason. No, I’m not an alcoholic. Lately I haven’t been drinking much, mostly because I cant afford it. My preferred drinks are more expensive than IPA’s anyway - I’ll go to town on Mules.
THAT SAID the more i keep getting denied jobs for bullshit reasons, the more likely i am to turn into a self-destructive alcoholic.
If you don’t want to see a sexy girlboss such as myself turn into that, hire me. No I’m not gaslighting you, gaslighting doesn’t exist you’re just crazy.
This blog has turned into such a shitpost.
Unironically, if I were to ever ask someone why I wasn’t hired - I feel like this would be case number one. It’s a good blog, like layout wise - it works well, I have the RSS feed pushed to discord; all that is fine and good.
But it’s not serious at all. I spend time talking about my personal life details, and then the above “Hey I’m a functioning alcoholic” cry for help bullshit. I don’t know whether this will attract the right kind of people or not. Probably not, speaking realistically.
Speaking of shitposts
The missile knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation. The guidance subsystem uses deviations to generate corrective commands to drive the missile from a position where it is to a position where it isn't, and arriving at a position where it wasn't, it now is. Consequently, the position where it is, is now the position that it wasn't, and it follows that the position that it was, is now the position that it isn't. In the event that the position that it is in is not the position that it wasn't, the system has acquired a variation, the variation being the difference between where the missile is, and where it wasn't. If variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the GEA. However, the missile must also know where it was. The missile guidance computer scenario works as follows: Because a variation has modified some of the information the missile has obtained, it is not sure just where it is. However, it is sure where it isn't, within reason, and it knows where it was. It now subtracts where it should be from where it wasn't, or vice-versa, and by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of where it shouldn't be, and where it was, it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called error.
I made a couple memes recently
I Do not apologize if you’re cishet, however if you’re above the bare minimum for being a good person - congrats! The image applies to you. If you’re not cis, not het, not either, send this to some cool ass cishets.
I realize for some this is inflammatory - however as someone who is literally treated as a lower people group than that of a straight cis white woman, and god forbid, a cishet white male; The sentiment #FuckAllCishetsForever is kind of a big thing.
As a pan/poly transwoman in America, it seems like I will never have equal rights and will never be equally visible; yet my situation is systematically far more privileged than that of those in the BIPOC community that are also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community.
The Supreme court
has completely fucked over the rights of those who are child-bearing by overturning Roe-v-Wade - which of course almost exclusively targets low-income people or those of color. I really hope the SCOTUS has a plan for adoptions.
The U.S. Border patrol now has a set of “unique permissions” for their operations, as the Supreme Court ruled:
that within “100 air miles” of any “external boundary” of the U.S. border (which includes coastlines), Border Patrol agents can, without a warrant, “board and search for aliens any vessel within the territorial waters of the United States and any railway car, aircraft, conveyance, or vehicle.”
This means that within 100 miles from the border, Customs and Border Protection agents can board buses and trains and request immigration documentation from passengers without a warrant or probable cause. Agents may also pull over vehicles if they have “reasonable suspicion” of an immigration violation according to the ACLU. The provision continues, stating that within 25 miles of the border, agents are allowed “to have access to private lands, but not dwellings,” for the purpose of preventing illegal immigration. *Source: PolitiFact
And of course Border Patrol can overreach...
because non-US citizens deserve to be detained and questioned on their pregnancy and abortion status. Madolline Gourley was questioned for three hours - for a law that applies to US citizens in certain states, which it was VERY fucking legal where she was detained (i.e., Cali fucking Fornia.)
And most recently
Federal judges want to block protections for my existence.
The states that joined Tennessee as plaintiffs were Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Dakota and West Virginia….
and of course… South Carolina. My home.
States such as these are confident with legislation that extends military and police overreach in the daily lives of US citizens - in fact, the more the US can turn into a police state, the better. However when it comes to the simple protections of civil rights, now thats too fucking far - thats goddamn guvment overreach right ther, pardner.
It is what it is. One day, I will leave this shithole - assuming citizens are still allowed to leave the country.
Lastly, I’ve been feeling really good lately.
Not emotionally of course, but - looks wise, and sometimes confidence.
It’s weird being the most fuckable person in Walmart at any given time, but it is what it is.
I haven’t quite run out of steam yet,
but I’m hitting 2,500 words - so it might be a good idea to start wrapping up. I do have other things to work on after all…. maybe drinks too.
Sidenote, Bungie has been trending on Twitter all week and it kinda leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Whether it’s new hires showing of their gear, employees showing off their hired-anniversary swag, or in this weeks case; the back and forth conversation of Devs being on the receiving end of harassment, and how this will cut down their amazing communication.
Why does it leave a sour taste? Well I started my interview process with Bungie Studios in early May, and completed the coding requirements mid-May, with clarifications on comment lines sent on the 24th.
I waited several weeks with no response, and when I finally worked up the courage to email for an update; I was again asked to clarify the comment lines. (As though my response had not been forwarded, forgotten about, etc).
I waited several more weeks, the very end of June, and asked:
Is there any updates from the recruiters? If there are no updates, then I would like to formally withdraw my application – although I am overjoyed to have received consideration in the first place.
I heard nothing back. Well that is until fucking Bungie Day.
I will not lie. I am incredibly happy to have received consideration from Bungie. Apparently in the past few months I’ve been in the running for Bungie SRE, Discord Software Engineer (before they nixed the role, apparently. I actually got a relatively personal email for this), and Digital Communications Dev at a local college.
All of these were big roles, and paid well. They would’ve taught me a lot, and I honestly believe It’s amazing that I was considered a possible candidate for any of them. I just wished
- Bungie actually communicated with me the same way they communicated with their players
- Discord hadn’t nixed that role, but from the email I got the gist of it and understand that it’s just a necessary thing.
- Wish that CofC job would have let me slide in anyway. The only reason I wasn’t hired, apparently, was my lack of linux experience - which I spent a decent amount of time doing dual boot networking in Ubuntu back in 2019/2020, which then translated to me screwing around in Kali and Ubuntu at home. I get the gist of Linux, and it’s very easy to learn.
Nonetheless - I’m here, jobless, writing a blog, coding random shit, tutoring occasionally.
Shit it’s actually kinda depressing.