Chosen Family and Quirky HRT
Originally I had planned to write on the topic of a Chosen Family vs. Given Family, however I was getting somewhat lost in thought - I couldn’t quite formulate what I wanted to write. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that I was merely writing it as a thought response of an email I’d received from my mother. I plan to try and take this in a slightly different direction - less malice, I’ll get into that shortly but for now -
Lets grab our song.
First of All
I just wanna talk about how awesome being on hormones have been for me. My mood has improved sooo so much. I feel so much happier than I did before - I don’t know if it’s the hormones themselves or if it’s simply the fact that my brain realizes, “Yoooo we doin’ the thing now, poggie woggies.”
Either way, my little depressive episodes have started going few and far between. Now I’ve just got the issue where I suddenly flip on Jesús and go, “He hates me 😭😭😭” or “This mother FUCKER is about to get it 👿👿👿”
…so yeah if I could stop flipping on a fucking dime and going from “Teehee i’m an innocent lil’ cutie” to “diediediediediediediediediedie” that would be great. But Kate and I get to sit and gossip for hours which is fun as hell. I love gossiping.
As far as changes go
Officially, I began in March. I started my big hormones in June, and got an upgrade in August I believe. So about 9mos on HRT, give or take.
Changes so far
- Softer skin
- Smell much better
- body hair is lighter and softer (Still need to get laser, but have no money)
- Head-Hair is really soft and is virtually repaired from a really bad bleach-dye last October
- I had very Low-T prior & “Gynecomastia” prior to HRT, I would wager I was around a B-cup at any given time. I’ve since gone from B->C->DD since last measuring.
- Sex drives goes up / down (right now it’s like nothing)
- dick don’t work, balls smol i think that’s it.
Overall
I’m happy. Things are getting so much better for me. Now I just need to get more comfy going outside, and I need someone to hire me; not only do I need the money for existing, but I want to get laser before Summer 😐
I will be going to the beach and I will be wearing a bikini or smth idk we’ll see. BUT I’M DOING IT
The email
I actually received this email yesterday morning at 6:49am, but by that time I’d already woken up and sat at my desk and begun to write my thankfulness post. Had I’d seen while writing, there’s a high chance that it would’ve thrown me off - or otherwise played a part in increasing the length of that post.
Nonetheless, I reflected on it for a little while. As I’d mentioned yesterday:
I’m currently at a point where I don’t actually feel much about the event. I’m absolutely astonished that it happened - it took me by surprise, completely off guard, etc. But I’m apathetic.
But I still felt like I needed to write something regarding this email, as it’s something I’ve heard all throughout my late teenage/adult life. And as I’m typing this I’ve realized I haven’t even shared the email - what a terrible story teller I am.
The email simply stated:
I love you. Know that you’re welcome to come home anytime. We’re your family & always will be.
A thoughtful email, if it were from anyone else
These words have been hammered into my head for years. It’s as though my mother is incomplete unless I’m in the nest, she’s unwilling to let me go. But when I’m in the nest for a short visit - she’s not happy with the feathers I’ve grown and the new colors they have, and how proud of these feathers I am.
Regardless, a place where I could not be myself is no home at all. I suspect that in the event if I were to move back in with them, I would not be able to be me.
- I would be barred from being Charlotte until it was a good time for them (which it wouldn’t ever be a good time. They love pushing everything under the rug)
- They would barr me from continuing my hormone therapy
- They would push me to see faith based counseling, i.e., conversion therapy.
I would be absolutely miserable. They may be my given family, but their actions have not demonstrated love - in fact it has been the exact opposite.
- Disgust
- Lack of support, denial of acceptance or the possibility of acceptance
- Hatred for my entire existence was communicated.
None of that is welcoming. None of that is love. None of represents what a family should be
The Chosen Family
That all brings me to my next point. Given families can and will disappoint. Sometimes, it will be drastic enough - such as in my situation - that you must disavow certain members of said family.
That’s where your Chosen Family comes in handy. Your chosen family is your circle of non-biological supporters that you’re close with, people you form an incredibly close kinship. This incredibly common with the LGBTQIA+ due to how our given families choose to ostracize and disown us so often, or in my case - the intense transphobia and lack of support. For us the chosen family takes the place of our given family. We surround ourselves with people we love, and people who love us back.
You can choose your friends but not your family
Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.
Bullshit. Family is more than blood. Family is a cluster of people who love and welcome you, people who you can be vulnerable with - people you choose to love - flaws and all.
I have heard of the significance of family all my life, especially regarding my brothers. “You must make sure to keep a good relationship with your brothers - after we die, that’s all you’ll have. We won’t be around to keep you all together.”
And of course, I desire to have a good relationship with them; afterall I’ve loved all of them. But I won’t be treated like dirt. I will cut people off if I need to, family or not. I will always be patient, and I will make room for conversation; but I will never be trampled on.
So there you have it.
The email. My thoughts on it. In summary, I believe that in the grand scheme of things a chosen family will always outweigh a given family; especially for someone like me.
My given family looks something like this:
- My partners, Mia and Jesús.
- Kate, who I view as my little sister.
- Max, one of my hornt up best friends that coincidentally wants to fuck me …and a few cool people I’ve met in my city have started making their way in. The great thing about chosen families is that they can expand.
They’ve been good to me, and I hope I’ve been good to them.
Okay I’ve done some amount of typing, so see how to end this thing.
Well i tried to see if there was anything notable on twitter. All I saw was girls being lewd, boring ass destiny content, and people making fun of Musky Melon. So. the usual i guess.
Have an inspirational image that terrifies me due to it’s implications:
If you got down this far, thank you
-Char, your local quirkt-up prog champ. (I have recently decided that the ‘prog’ in question is progesterone. I will let you decide what orifice this medication goes in)