A couple weeks ago I wrote and posted my November update where I detailed my coming out experience with my parents, and my mother’s reactions to some things regarding me being… well me. While most responses weren’t ideal, they were responses - and left some hope. That hope was very quickly shattered over Thanksgiving week.

Many of my close friends are aware of the situation, at least for the most part. So this will simply be a post expounding on what the fuck happened. I’ve finally collected myself and my thoughts since then, and am slightly less flabbergasted by the entire situation; so we’ll see where this post goes tone wise.

I’ve already set up mood lights, a humidifier, have my coffee and I even have a backup scented candle on standby. The only thing that’s left is to choose the song for the post… or who about a whole playlist? I’m setting up my 2023 Playlist afterall.

Intro to my week

This “holiday” went the way any other holiday might go for a trans kid, complete with dressing a different way hiding things, etc. I really expect nothing less until I’m entirely and fully out, and can ruin everyone’s life >:D

To summarize, I was very excited for Thanksgiving Week. I had freshly come out to my Mom & Dad and while I was under no illusion that I would get referred to my name/pronouns throughout the week, I was at least looking forward to the last day of the week - Friday. I wasn’t looking forward to Friday because I wanted the week over with, but because I was viewing the day as a girls-date with my Mom, we’d made a plans for a whole outing.

Friday’s plans included:

  • Frozen Custard, specifically because of the Pumpkin pie flavor. (I’m a PSL girl so this was up my alley)
  • Visiting my Grandmother’s grave. This was especially important to me as I’d taken her first name, Jane, as my middle name; my Maw-Maw was very special to us, very special to me.
  • Visiting a type of Thrift store and looking around
  • Going to the Grocery store

For me this felt special. I hoping that we’d get one-on-one time, and my mom would ask questions about me. I was hoping to at least hear my name.

In the end, it didn’t go that way. We went to the grave. But my mother ate before we left, and no longer wanted custard. My father was going to the grocery store instead. And I suppose we simply weren’t going to the thrift store. Regarding conversation? No deep conversation, we talked about her relationship with my father.

Following Friday

I honestly felt sick Friday night, and was ready to go home. It more than kinda sucked, but holy-hell I had no idea what was coming up the following day.

On Saturday, I’d gotten all my things packed and taken outside. Mia arrives with cocoa to pick me up and take us back home. Prior to me walking out the door I held my mom close, and told her I loved her. I told her that this week meant so much to me, and that I was happy to be up there with them.

Yes, Friday didn’t go the way I’d hoped for over a month and it made me incredibly sad and sick to my stomach to think about. But I got to spend a week with my family where I was out to my mom & dad. The whole week my mom seemed nice about everything, we were able to talk about things. My dad however seemed to barely be able to look at me. And I finally figured out why.

As I walked outside,

my Mom followed right behind me knowing what was about to happen - as my dad joined us outside.

I fed cocoa a pill to help her relax on the ride. My bags were finished being packed. I was about to turn around and tell my parents goodbye, tell them I love them, hug them.

Supposed conversation1 with my dad, as he began verbally assaulting Mia and I

So… you’re aware that [she’s] putting this stuff in [her] body… and you’re fine with it? No medicine or pill you put in your body is safe, it all hurts your heart, your liver your everything - it’s not natural

You support this? What happens when you want a real woman?

You said your dad might shoot [her] for being this way? Is that your goal? Make [her] trans and then get [her] killed so you’re off scot free?

You will never be a woman. I don’t care what you say. You can cut your dick off, get as many surgeries as you want, do whatever - but I don’t know of any female animal that’s born with a dick.

Interestingly enough, Mia immediately quipped back to that last point with: “Hyenas…“, and then started going off a list. And it made the man walk off. He told me he loved me. I told him he doesn’t. He doesn’t love me, neither of them love me. They love the mental picture they have of me and that’s all they want in their life.

Unfortunately for them and people like them - we have the upper hand on the science2 portion of the debate and we always have. The only reason to continue to deny us this would be because you hate us.

Drive Home & Following Day.

Leaving the neighborhood, I immediately blocked their phone numbers. I had realized a certain truth long ago, and it finally reared it’s head:

You do not owe you parents anything. They gave birth to you, you did not ask for them to do so. Parenting a child is the bare minimum requirement, and does not require giving thanks or life of servitude following your 18th. If you feel you need to because they represent a toxic relationship, cut them off.

So I’m essentially on low->no contact with them. The following day, they realized - and immediately began calling via alternate phones and leaving voicemails;

Mom:

Please call me either on my cell or text me, I told you we’re going to walk through this together now please call me, I love you and I always have… (x2 via house phone and brother’s phone)

Dad:

Hey [Charlotte] can you give us a call, um I treated y’all like an adult yesterday, please give us a call - act like an adult; not like a 14, 16 year old teenager. Unblock us and please give us a call.

I suppose I’ll go through this point-by-point

  1. “We’re going to walk through this” - By extension, what I thought was support.
    1. I’m not interested in walking through this experience with anyone who does not care to take the time to learn. It starts with you. I do not have to start teaching, you can google. If you have questions, I will clarify.
    2. I am patient with people, but I will not be cornered. I have supported my mother for longer than I can remember. I have supported her when I knew she was dead wrong. I have been quicker to support her than my own partner. I have always been by her side. On November 26th, she just stood there as my step-dad verbally assaulted my partner and myself. She didn’t defend me, she didn’t step in. She stood there. Moreover, she knew what she’d led me into.
  2. “Act like adults, not teenagers”
    1. I find this funny for multiple reasons. First of all, he came loaded with an argument that he’d thought of for weeks that was full of holes and inconsistencies and second the entire point of his argument hinges on a dramatic point to verbally demean my partner. It’s like he watched a movie and copied the plot for his argument. Fortunately, this is real life.
    2. Thankfully I am an adult. I have the capacity to recognize when I’ve reached my limit with people, strangers and family alike. I know when it’s time to remove myself from a situation to preserve my mental state. “There comes a time when you must forsake something in order to preserve another.”
    3. I could not possibly think of anything more “Adult-like” than removing myself from the situation. The two of them made it painfully clear that they did not intend to try to understand, try to accept, nor try to support me in any capacity. They made it clear that they do not love me. They can love [deadname] all they want if that makes them happy. But that will never be me.

Afterwards

That week I was kinda out of it. I was a mess in some sense. I set up a contact email for my family in case they wanted to actually patch things up - but I’ve received two emails saying: “I love you”. Not what I’m looking for, I’m not in a place where I can say that; I don’t even feel it anymore.

Both Mia and I have actually gotten sick, interestingly enough. I’m currently sick and using my early-riser-due-to-coughing powers to write. It’s been a time, and I don’t quite know how to describe all of it.

I’m currently at a point where I don’t actually feel much about the event. I’m absolutely astonished that it happened - it took me by surprise, completely off guard, etc. But I’m apathetic. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to continue a relationship with my brothers, but regarding the rest; colors have been shown and they sure as hell aren’t friendly colors.

Even so - I have that line open. Not that I believe they’ll use it any time soon, but it’s there.

To Be Thankful

In the end I’m realizing that I’m most thankful for the support base that I do have. The support base that has existed regardless of my parents. I’m thankful for them year-round.

Mia, Jesus, Kate, Whitney and her partners, Max, and so many others. Oh and Cocoa. I don’t have much in life, but I’m happy to have them.

I think that’s all I wanted to write. Cocoa is snoring very loudly in the corner - I LITERALLY have my headphones on playing music and I can still hear her. If you read all of this, I appreciate you. Otherwise, hello void!

Footnotes:

  1. A lot of this will be abbreviated, and is to the best of my memory. To be perfectly honest - I sat there frozen and couldn’t believe most of what I was hearing. I have made alterations and corrections. ↩

  2. Science stuff links:

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